My generous interpretation is that dad needs full-time care that the family can't provide in-house. For example, alzheimer's and dementia patients often have very particular needs.
runvnc is my github. Yeah maybe I didn't word that the best. The short version is that after my mother passed away, myself and my sister were there full time for several months, but at some point we couldn't handle it anymore. His memory was almost completely gone, bodily functions often seemed to be like torture to him, but the big issue was that he started yelling every time we tried to move him. The hospital said it was apparently a type of vertebral compression fractures or something.
Dementia and/or serious motor issues will mess that up every time, unless you've got a close family member who's willing and able to be a full-time caregiver for years on end.
But sure, some people avoid that through some combo of luck, genes, and clean living. Or just die before it becomes an issue, I guess.
Yeah, my grandma has dementia, can't walk without assistance, and basically just shits herself all the time. She lives with my mom, but she doesn't have the energy or mental fortitude to be the full-time caretaker she needs. She wants to put her in a caretaking facility, but just doesn't have the energy to research options, not to mention the money. She wants to call my uncle and ask him to pay for it (Grandma and the uncle are on my dad's side, but my dad passed 3 years ago), but has basically been avoiding making that call.
> Or just die before it becomes an issue, I guess.
If I ever get to the point where I'm no longer living, but merely surviving the way my grandma is, I'd sign a DNR and make it my solution.
I'm not sure it is a matter of health. An relative of mine in her upper 90's recently passed away at home -- fortunately a number of relatives were well off enough to move nearby and help out, and hire a nurse to check in occasionally, etc etc.
If anything I suspect dying at your home would be easier if you weren't very healthy.
My grandfather died in his home after a short but severe illness with round-the-clock care from the family. It was relatively easy, as far as these sort of things are ever "easy".
My grandmother died a few years before that, after spending a year in a nursing home with a less severe illness. It just wasn't feasible to keep her at home: she couldn't really walk any more and half the family would have to pause their lives. I don't really know her opinion on that as we never really had that kind of heart-to-heart relationship, but I would certainly much rather be "put in a home" than be such a burden. My grandfather was very happy that his end was a swift one, so the family wouldn't have to put through a long drawn-out ordeal again.
My mom used to joke that in our family, we don’t end up in homes because we all die of cancer before retirement.
Well, joke’s on her, she’s still alive at 70 and I survived my first bout with cancer at 36 already so she was wrong on two counts. Still didn’t put any elderly family in any home though…
People only get "put in a home" when they require around the clock skilled medical care. Visiting nurses and the like exist for people who need ongoing medical care but not as often. It's usually not anyone's first choice.
Yeah, genuinely curious for how many people in their 90s that are “put in a home”, does that change end up being the right move for them. Kind of wish the question was studied so people could make more informed decisions.
Can you stay healthy enough to die of old age in a regular home? “Put him in a home” sounds so ominous and forceful.